RELATION OF HAPPINESS TO INNER SELF

 

                          “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it’s all within yourself,

                                                   In your way of thinking”

                 -------- Marcus Aurelius

 

The above quote by Marcus Aurelius is very significant, but perhaps not many people may be able to understand the profound importance of these words. It means that man creates his own happiness and it does not come from any source from the external world, but from the way he thinks about the condition he is in.  The issue I would like to address here is why happiness comes from the inside and not from the external world's glitter, glamour, and materialistic affluence. Well, that is primarily because most human beings are mentally conditioned to the external world. And that is why the sense of pleasure and materialistic desires have become the objects of gratification that pleases the mind, the most. But in chasing these, only a few people realize that these are only transient and the pleasure derived from these are temporary, as these fade away fast with time. And after that, the reason for happiness no longer persists, it also evaporates very fast, leaving us again back to square one.

A wise man realizes this and so abstains from chasing sense and materialistic gratification as a futile endeavor that brings only momentary happiness. 

First of all, let me put in a very simple and generalised language what happiness means. It can be stated as " the experience of a positive emotion generated in the mind in the absence of any physical discomfort and also being in a mentally stable state (free from any worries and anxieties) that a person is at any moment" . This is also accompanied by a sense of joy.

Now putting into proper perspective that includes all dimensions of happiness, as stated by an American psychologist in the following words.

“ Happiness is to do things that are harmonious with who we are, with what we can do, with what we like, and with what we think is right.”

                                      ----- Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (spelled as “Chick-sent-me-high”)

 When suffering from any physical discomfort or mentally unstable state, he would not experience a sense of happiness. Because the mind would be focused on the body or on whatever thought that is destabilizing the mind. And that, till the time these persist, happiness would prove to be something elusive.

A wise person dwells in the inner self because he knows that true happiness comes from the bliss experienced by dwelling in the deepest core of the inner self. And that is because he realizes that happiness arises from something related to his own identity. That is the reason why the source of happiness has to originate from the inner self if it has to impart a lasting elevation of the mental state. In this way, it deviates from the sense of pleasure that comes from reasons that are in the external world.

Our self-identity is related to the nature of our perception of realities experienced by us. Giving up the pleasures and comforts of the external world is a matter of mental deconditioning. Hence, it can be given up to a certain extent, retaining only the minimum requirements for the sake of self-sustenance. The deconditioning of the mind is possible through physical and mental restraint. We should focus more on the inner self by calming the mind from all deviations of the external world. The best way to achieve this is through the practice of meditation because, during this practice, the senses are drawn inwards into the mind (i.e. senses are non-judgmental now), which thus becomes reinforced to focus on the inner self. And this brings in a state of bliss that is much more profound than the happiness experienced by the external world.

Below is a link to a book for the practice of Mindful meditation for beginners.

Mindful Meditation for Beginners

OVERTHINKING AND ITS REMEDY

          Controlling the mind for most people is perhaps one of the most difficult tasks. Overthinking that people engage in, happens quite unawarely and by default, since they cannot control it by their will. So what to do in such a situation.  The below quote could be their starting point to begin with if they wish to overcome it, which would happen over a period of time by practising to control their mind. But then things are more easily said than done. So the below-given aspects however would certainly help them in this endeavour.                                  

                                               Get out of your head and breathe,

                                        All your thoughts are not facts.

                                        Tune into what’s happening right now.

                                        Pay attention to your senses and practise

                                         being in the present.

                                                                                     ---------- Ash Alves.

 The above quotation implies the need to avoid overthinking and to start living in the present moment. Thinking, as we all know is a spontaneous mental process that happens all through our waking hours of day and night. But not all the thinking that man indulges in is on things that are relevant to him at the given point in time. By a simple definition,  I may state that “Overthinking is the thought process that man indulges which is irrelevant, maybe even harmful and causes meaningless distraction of the mind from the important activity that he should have engaged in”.  

And it is this that man needs to restraint himself from indulging in and endeavour for a meaningful utilization of time and his mental energy

Let us go a little deeper into the subject to understand it better. The different aspects that lead to overthinking include several factors that cause this spontaneous impulse.

1.      Past unpleasant events that haunt the mind.

2.      Pondering over the probable or expected events of the near or the distant future.

3.      An immediate forthcoming unpleasant situation that is unavoidable, which he has to face in his professional or personal life.

4.      Negative judgemental comments made by other people either in his professional or personal life

 The above are some of the most common reasons, but there could be innumerable other reasons for overthinking. However, these are some of the major ones so I would focus in this blog post on these aspects only.

 1.      Past unpleasant events that haunt the mind:

The mind of most people (excluding enlightened sages, monks and spiritual leaders) keeps restlessly jumping from one thought to the other like the monkey that keeps jumping from one branch to another in the tree. And unpleasant events of the past are the issues that most commonly haunt his mind and triggers overthinking. This is something that happens despite his awareness that it is something that he cannot go back to correct. It is these uncontrolled thoughts that keeps repeatedly coming back, again and again, to haunt the mind with emotions of contempt or shame or disappointment or sadness depending on the nature of the event.

 2.      Pondering over the probable or expected events of the distant future.

Pondering over some probable or expected good or bad times in the distant future, is a very potent and tempting reason for overthinking. This a person either consciously engages in or at times is unconsciously driven into because of his lack of control over his restless mind. Knowing very well that the events of the distant future are something uncertain of nature and what actions it demands, cannot be decided in the present time. But even then the unstoppable mind triggers unnecessary thinking and keeps on harping on the uncertainty, which is a meaningless mental exercise. A negative minded person is more vulnerable to such an occupation and creates illusions of the probable failure as the outcome. A positive minded person though would maintain an optimistic outlook but deliberates on the uncertainty of the situation. Both categories of people are thus in a state of mental impasse. Hence in this situation too overthinking would be a meaningless mental exercise.

 3.      An immediate forthcoming unpleasant situation that is not avoidable which a person has to face in professional or personal life.

Unpleasant situations whether ensuing or forthcoming ones are potential reasons on which people overthink, though their hindsight may tell them that those are something that are meaningless. The nature of overthinking would be different in professional and personal life since the nature of situations would be quite different. The intensity and seriousness of overthinking are more if it pertains in professional life to a situation threatening his job which would adversely impact his livelihood. The less severe situation could be one of the vitiated environments at the workplace to which he has to mentally exert himself to adjust with, till the he can find an opportunity to move off from that organisation. However, in the personal field overthinking may or may not be always meaningless since it depends again on the nature of the situation. Where things have gone to an irreparable extent in a relationship, it obviously would be beyond the control and thinking would be meaningless. A situation that is perceived to be within control thru the process of self-correction or improvement, then thinking and acting accordingly would be a meaningful exercise.

 4.      Negative judgemental comments made by people.

A negative judgemental comment and that too when made publicly are very potential reasons to instigate the person to overthink. This more particularly happens if the person due to some or the other reasons had to restraint himself at that instant from bouncing back to that person with a similar comment. In such a situation he would be constantly overthinking for finding an opportunity to avenge it.

 Having stated some of the reasons above for overthinking, I now feel the need to state the ways to avoid indulging in such meaningless mental exercise thereby causing wastage of time and mental energy. This at the fundamental level demands a perceptual shift in the thinking about the self. Following are some of the ways how this could be done.

A.     Maintain a strong will to develop an attitude to live in the “Here and Now” .i.e. to live in the present moment at any given point in time. Not to dwell on past unpleasant events or future uncertainties.

B.     Come what may, always remember these famous words of Buddha “All things arise and pass away”. Not to take any events too personally as this does no good, as it affects the physical health and disturbs the mental stability.

C.     Hold on to strong reasons to maintain always a sense of positive self-image.

D.     Develop a strong sense of judgement of what is right and wrong in the given situation and always take recourse to the right path without paying heed to how people would think about it.

To develop all the above mental attributes there is a sure way to achieve it. And that is thru the practice of “Mindfulness", which is a form of meditation that is a very effective way to develop mental stability and achieve peace of mind . With this, overthinking can be effectively avoided.

To those who are keen to know about “Mindfulness", in order to have a glimpse of what it exactly is, follow the below given link.

 "Mindfulness",

 

CONTROLLING THE MIND AND DEVELOPING A HEALTHY MENTAL STATE

The mind is everything because all our perceptions of good or bad, pleasure or pain, happiness, and sorrow are experienced in the mind. Hence the below quote by a famous   English poet 

The mind is its place own place

and in itself can make a hell

of heaven or a heaven of hell

------ John Milton

In the above quote, the poet clearly states that our mental state is solely dependent on the mind itself. Through our minds, we create or reshape our reality. Our mind feeds the information to the brain which will rewire it to create reality. Thus, the reality experienced by an individual is a product of the creation or projection of the mind and interpreted by the brain irrespective of the actual world that is out there. If a person constantly complains or gossips or finds excuses for not wanting to do the assigned task, that will make it easier for him to find things even with the smallest reason to get upset about, regardless of the actual happenings. These are negative mental attributes. Conversely, if a person constantly looks for opportunities, abundance, and love to be grateful for, that would make it easier to find a reflection of those things in the surroundings. These are positive attributes. All these may be more easily said than done. Practicing and implementing positive attributes over time becomes a powerful way to change reality. These would lead to positivity and thus would be conducive to maintaining a healthy mental state.   But the point remains is, how not to slide down back into the mental trap of developing negative attributes. This is possible by trying to maintain a sustained positivity that would enable the development of a constant positive mental state. The following are some of the factors that can help develop this.

1.     Awareness of factors that are not under human control and those that are under human control.

2.     Positive self-image.

3.     Acceptance of all change whether pleasant or unpleasant as part of a natural process.

4.     Social acceptability should not be considered a criterion for judging self-credibility. 

5.     Reinforce the factors that are under human control.

6.     Consider life as a journey and not the destination to be reached in competition with others.

            Now, let's go deeper into each of the above factors to elaborate on the ways to achieve  a healthy mental state.

 

1.     Awareness of factors under human control and those that are not under human control.

This has been very succinctly put into perspective by Buddha and are best depicted in a video, the link for which is given below.

Things that can't be  controlled and those that can be controlled

A)       FACTORS UNDER HUMAN CONTROL

                 “We have control over three things in our lives and those are; our thoughts

                   that comes from the way we think, the images that we visualize in our mind’s eye, 

                  and the actions that we take and the way we react to any situation”.

      On the other side, things that are not in our control are as under

 B)    FACTORS NOT UNDER HUMAN CONTROL

Ø           How people treat you, their actions and reactions, thoughts, feelings,    likes, dislikes, and opinions.

Ø        Time is the eternal flowing parameter of nature that drives all our senses of pleasure and pain; good and bad times, joy and suffering, birth and death, etc.

Ø        Nature and its reality. All the phenomenon of nature like the cycle of seasons change, on the one hand, brings benefit to human beings but on the other hand, the unpredictable events of nature which include calamities like floods, earthquakes, cyclones, and epidemics that cause much suffering, loss of life, and properties.

 

2.     POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE.

The self-image of a person is a very important aspect that navigates his attitude and behavior in every situation and very much depends on the belief in himself. And a sense of positivity in the own self is very important because that induces a motivating drive and confidence to move forward with the situation  which he faces, at any given moment. When in a positive mental state, the nature of the situation whether good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant does not adversely affect the motivational spirit of the person. Hence it is a major factor in developing a healthy mental state.

 3.     ACCEPTANCE OF CHANGE PLEASANT OR UNPLEASANT

Any change that occurs in the surroundings is in the very nature of everything around us and so it will change whether we like or want it or not,  that’s immaterial. And so it is not in human control. Everything in nature is inherently impermanent or transient and so has to change with time. Change is a nature’s process through which the manifestation of time becomes visible and events occur throughout our life. With the flow of time, the present becomes the past the next moment, and the future becomes the present and gradually slips into the past to become memories. By readily accepting this process a person can align a sense of positivity to life’s process and hence a healthy mental state.

 

4.     Social acceptability should not be considered a criterion for judging self-credibility

A conscientious, honest, and right-thinking person does not need to depend on social acceptability as an assessment of his credibility. For such a person self-assessment of his attitude and behavior for his coarse correction whenever and wherever necessary,  is sufficient to establish his credibility. The other major reason why social

acceptability should not be considered is, that different persons have different types of bias for a person based on their liking or disliking of that person. And so this is liable to be fraught with an erroneous judgment.  A person going by this judgment may be led wrongly in a direction that could prove harmful for him in the long run. This realization at some later stage of his life could bring in concomitant mental unrest leading to an unhealthy mental state.

 

5.     Reinforce the factors that are under human control

The above-stated factors stated by Buddha ( refer above in 1A and 1B) are the tools that human beings need to accept and adapt to prevent themselves from sliding into negativity and despair. This in turn could lead him to a mentally unhealthy state. And so, even in adversity or unpleasant situations in life what matters is how we react and respond without affecting the inner peace.

6. Consider life as a journey and not the destination to be reached  in competition  

      with others

Why should life be considered a journey and not a destination to be reached in competition with others?

The life of every individual is different in every respect whether personal, social, or professional. It depends on innumerable factors, like the family in which a person takes birth, his family upbringing, education, professional world, social stature, the outlook a person develops towards life, etc. The situations and circumstances that a person faces in different spheres of his activities are different.   And hence why the life of one person cannot be compared with another person. So there cannot a competition of one person with another person on any matter, whatsoever it may be. Also, there is no destination to reach. Life is a continuous process of journey that every individual passes through right from birth to the end of life which eventually happens with death. So life, as can be seen from the above details, is a continuous process involving a myriad of activities in innumerable fields and there is no destination because that would mean the cessation of activities since he has reached the end of life. But this is obviously not true,  because all throughout there is a provision for continuous self-development to improve the quality of life till the very end.